Article for Women Issues

So
Ashton Kucher
27
and Demi Moore
43
got married with her kids and ex-husband in attendance.

It’s great! It’s Bizarre! She’s a cradle robber! It’s a giant step for older women!

Which one is it?

How about “A giant step for older women.”

Well
almost.

It’s not unusual for older female celebrities to hook up with much younger men. Fame and fortune are powerful magnets. But men are visual creatures. What happens after her beauty fades? Not to worry. Loss of a youthful appearance is no longer an issue. With the variety of cosmetic procedures now available women with ample financial resources can look younger than springtime until the day they die.

To a shrewd
future-oriented man
an older woman with money promises long-term benefits. If her age is really “up there” he can look forward to a bundle upon her demise. If the relationship or marriage doesn’t last
he’s likely to win a hefty settlement. So
what does a younger guy have to lose?

What’s significant about the Moore-Kucher union is that it has driven one more nail in the coffin of the “older woman younger man” taboo that “common folk” – older women seeking younger men but not endowed with fame or money – have to deal with in their quest for a suitable partner.

Sometime ago I gave a talk to a group of older women. After my presentation
a woman I’ll call Betty
came rushing up to share that she was 84
single
dating
and never tells her age. Furthermore
she had no use for men older than 60
and prefers them younger than that. “I can’t stand old geezers. They’re all dead. They are living but they are dead
if you know what I mean” she explained in a confidential tone of voice.

I could understand why Betty preferred younger men. She looked fabulous -- a trim figure
she was intelligent
her eyes lit up when she spoke
and she had beautiful smooth skin. Clearly
she had it goin’ on. She could easily pass for 60. Why would she want to put up with a cranky old codger her age?

Here’s the problem: When Betty finds someone with potential
and age comes up
Mr. Potential is gone. I suspect that if Betty had money and celebrity
it would be a different story.

Let me relate a personal experience: At the pharmacy where I work
a customer I’ll call Mr. Smooth
in his mid-fifties
made it clear that he found me interesting
even though he knew I was married. One day the local paper ran a story about my new book and mentioned that I was 76. Before that
my age was mostly unknown because I never talked about it. The public disclosure of my age raised eyebrows
and whispers began at work. “She’s HOW old?” Formerly friendly male coworkers began looking the other way. Sheesh! Be seen talking to an old woman? The guys will think there’s something wrong with me.

Back to Mr. Smooth. He must have seen the story in the newspaper because soon after
he appeared at my prescription counter. Glaring at me with disdain and disgust
he blurted out
“I can’t believe you are as old as you are. I just CAN’T believe it!” He turned around and strode away never to be seen again.

A woman’s age matters to most men. Except when she’s 18 and he’s 81. Then it’s a different story. Society accepts it with a knowing look and a wink. If the relationship produces progeny
that’s really
really cool --until the kids lose their father before their sixth birthday.

Betty has it right. She knows what she wants. She knows what she has to offer. She’s not allowing antediluvian age taboos to stand in her way of finding happiness. Withholding the number of years she has lived
and maintaining a youthful demeanor and attitude
she refuses to bear the stigma of “invisible older woman.”

Joan Collins
Susan Sarandon
Tina Turner
Carol Burnett
Mary Tyler Moore
Victoria Principal
and now
Demi Moore
have defied convention and chosen younger men.

Eventually it will become chic for a fabulous older woman who doesn’t have a bank account or celebrity status to have a relationship with a fabulous younger man.

How can I predict that? Think about this. We are living longer
healthier lives. Yesterday’s 60 is today’s 40 for many women. Dr. Helen Harkness
in her book
Don’t Stop the Career Clock reinforces that reality with her perception of aging chronology that makes sense for today:

Young adulthood: 20-40
First midlife 40-60
Second midlife: 60-80
Young-old: 80-90
Elderly: 90 and above
Old-old: 2-3 years to live

Dr. Harkness’s vision of the stages of aging may take a while to catch on with mainstream thinking
but it will happen. In the meantime
fabulous older women looking for a guy who is still alive and kicking should not tell their age. Happy hunting!